Baby if U Let Me Get on Top I'll Have You Feeling Some Type of Way
Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Cypher good can come of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout human history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families take blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a middle and propelled information technology on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that fourth dimension you lot told that girl you just started seeing that yous would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a dearest song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and motility back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"It's merely, my mom. Y'all know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.
That fourth dimension y'all held that blast box over your head outside your ex's house? Y'all did that because of a beloved song. And 50 hours of community service afterwards, you're still not back together.
Love songs are great. They brand our hearts beat faster. They inspire us to have risks and put our feelings on the line. And they requite usa terrible, terrible ideas about how bodily, real-life human relationships should work.
They're amazing. Then amazing. And as well terrible.
Here are six love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't audio romantic but totally is:
1. "God Merely Knows," by The Embankment Boys
You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Embankment Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of audio. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the well-nigh heartrending lyrics ever committed to the dorsum of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Hither's why it sounds romantic:
I may not always love you
But long every bit in that location are stars higher up you lot
Y'all never need to doubt it
I'll make y'all then sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without y'all
If y'all're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should actually cease and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Merely Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the dorsum of your heed, you need to rethink the choices that got yous to this point.
If y'all're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Merely Knows," you are doing it wrong.
Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It's a song that simply feels like love. Pure dearest. Young honey. Love with a arctic, kelp-y vibe.
What could be wrong with that?
Here'south why information technology'due south actually really, really unromantic:
There'south nothing incorrect with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-meridian notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their pilus as they autumn asleep while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
Simply in that location is such a thing as loving someone a skosh as well much.
If y'all should ever leave me
Though life would still continue believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what adept would living practise me?
Wait, I get information technology. Breakups suck. There's no getting effectually that. Simply practiced God.
There'southward a huge difference betwixt saying: "Hey babe, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you become." And saying: "Welp, you accepted that chore in Seattle, so I'thousand only gonna chug a agglomeration of nightshade and phone call information technology a life."
But that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...
God simply knows what I'd be without you lot
...horror-movie creepy. Because the reply, patently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That's not love. That'southward codependency (to put information technology mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. Information technology'south a form of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship — ane that, by definition, might one day stop — is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Sure, God may just know what yous'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you accept, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Effort kite surfing.
"Yes! Hell aye! What was her name once again?" Photograph past Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Assistants.
One person cannot be anyone's be-all and terminate-all. It'south as well stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a matter that'south gotta exist washed before you tin exercise annihilation else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Sure, it'due south a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've always heard. Simply, we don't take Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could practice a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Expect at that face up. That face! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Hither's why the vocal sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you lot are
Honey, yous're my aureate star
You know yous can brand my wish come truthful
If you permit me treasure you lot
If you let me treasure you
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll likely get an instant toll pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, engagement night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of celibate-still-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls y'all over for running a stop sign, and they will think you lot're weird — just probably still brand out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime laissez passer to make out with America because of this song.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and y'all're on phase with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'thou OK with that.
Simply, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic every bit information technology seems:
Everything nearly "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes near gender.
"Children, have I ever told you lot what I shouted at your mother on the street the beginning fourth dimension we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things get-go to become south right from the very outset:
Give me your, give me your, give me your attending, baby
I gotta tell you a little something about yourself
Ah yep. Nil screams "respect" quite like a homo lecturing a strange woman on the street about something she "doesn't know about herself."
What could it exist? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could it be that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction book virtually early on modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thanks for teaching me all about Martin Luther'southward bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Eatables.
Spoiler Alert: Information technology's none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
But you walk around here like you wanna exist someone else
Oh. It's that she's sexy. Absurd, bro. Very original.
Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her 24-hour interval-to-day then much that you, a consummate stranger, need to shout it at her (fifty-fifty over a funky disco snare).
Then what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I recall beingness Ryan Gosling would exist quite prissy. A good way to spend a three-mean solar day weekend.
Sure, at that place'd be an adjustment period... Photo by Eamonn G. McCormack/Getty Images.
And then later, of course, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty daughter, pretty girl, pretty daughter, you should be smiling
A girl similar you should never await so blueish.
He respects her so much, he's actually straight-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hitting [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I gauge everybody'south got a affair.
Yes, in the earth of "Treasure," a good for you human relationship is an unending stream of a human being complimenting a foreign woman and said woman beingness so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."
He and so proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the earth's creepiest pirate:
You lot are my treasure, yous are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you lot, you, you, you are
You lot are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, aye, y'all, yous, you, you are
By this point, in his mind, she'southward a literal thing. An object. Which is plumbing equipment.
I suppose information technology could be worse, though. At least she's not merely whatsoever thing.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That's ... something, right?
3. "Don't Call up Twice, It'south All Right," by Bob Dylan
For as long equally humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Recall Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going downwardly in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is practiced at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here's why information technology sounds romantic:
Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, baby
Even yous don't know by now
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Information technology'll never practise somehow
When your rooster crows at the suspension of dawn
Look out your window, and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
But don't think twice, it'southward all right.
Blast. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It'southward the vocal your older sister played on continuous loop for six months later on her boyfriend left for college. The vocal that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller job, load her iv Australian shepherds into the van, and open a current of air chinkle store in Mendocino. The song your friend'south cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high schoolhouse ring over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, it'due south about the terminate of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the terminate of the day, shouldn't that be plenty?
Here's why it'south really sooooo messed upwardly:
Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right manner to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion about what went incorrect.
It's non me, Joan. It'south you. 100% you. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "Information technology's your fault."
Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my eye, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You're all like, "Babe, I just accept so much unspecified love to give," and she's like, "Take out the trash!" And you're like, "Just baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she'due south like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and fabricated both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to practise is take out the trash." And you lot're like, "Y'all're bumming me out. I'm gonna become play guitar." And so she gets all mad! What did you lot exercise? Why is she trying to modify you? UGH!
Y'all could have done better, but I don't mind
Yes. You practise mind! You listen! You wrote a song about it, you passive-aggressive prick.
You just kinda wasted my precious fourth dimension
Ah yep. Your time is so precious! Call up about all the hours you wasted plumbing the bounding main-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human being partnership when you could accept been futzing around with that home-mash kit.
Yes, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.
The minute yous start breaking information technology down, the message of "Don't Recall Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Similar your sis's ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and now might be in jail. Like your aunt'south current of air chime shop, which would take closed forever agone had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend'due south cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.
"You kids desire a beer? No ane'due south under thirteen, right?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yes, and the song's narrator also betoken-blank refers adult female he's leaving as:
A child, I'grand told
That'due south correct. In addition to beingness a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he's also peradventure a pedophile.
Even if nosotros are to have that this is a metaphor and she's not actually a child — which there's no indication information technology is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an young partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may exist the point.
iv. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," past John Denver
Who has 2 thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per 60 minutes?
This guy. Photo by Hughes Goggle box Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were nonetheless kind of new at the time it was written.
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet aeroplane
To a modern ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'thou a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a style that'due south somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by nine-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to do!
Oh babe, I detest to become
You meet — he hates to get! He just hates it! We know this, because he tells usa he hates it. And why would he detest to go if he didn't love his partner just that much?
Run into ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Eatables.
Why indeed?
Here's why it'southward actually not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world tin only distract so much from the fact that the vocal's main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem similar he hates being away all that much:
There's so many times I've let yous down
Then many times I've played around
I tell y'all now, they don't mean a thing
"Infant, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while y'all were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic fourth dimension. Merely residue bodacious — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty as this bed I just finished having sex with someone else in." Photograph via iStock.
Yeah, when you lot break it downwards, "Leaving on a Jet Airplane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "good" despite all bear witness to the contrary.
And for all he claims to be broken upward about having to part from his one and simply, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, you're leaving on a jet plane, are you? Are yous Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo limited salad you were forced to choke down as you lot saturday waiting to commence on your fun, mysterious chance?
"Life so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you
Ev'ry vocal I sing, I'll sing for you
Ah cool. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my honey is delicate as the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad student in the front row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
Then he demands:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that yous'll wait for me
Later on all the betrayal and heartbreak, subsequently basically revealing himself to be a class-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he yet has the gall to tell her to await? To wait for him?
And here'due south the kicker:
When I come up dorsum, I'll bring your wedding ring
Ah yes. He'll put a band on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Different all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank business relationship, and simply been a general screwup and disappointment.
But aye. This fourth dimension he says he'll bring back a wedding band.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
5. "When a Human being Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge
When you look up "soul" in the lexicon, the book plays y'all a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo past Gene Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very first line.
Hither'due south why it sound very romantic:
When a man loves a adult female
Sure, you tin can write the lyrics down, just it doesn't even come shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The succulent, delicious pain-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A Woman
Closer ... just nonetheless no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It'south an elemental lyric.
It's a center-shattering lyric.
It'southward a lyric that demands yous put your dorsum into information technology.
It's perfection.
Equally long equally you don't go on listening.
Here'due south why the song is really pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Adult female," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said woman?
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that'southward the manner
Information technology ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Dorsum upwards. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in beloved, needs shelter. Otherwise, a human volition die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her downward.
No! Jeez. No. A man can't put upward with that kind of isolating beliefs. A man needs friends! Once a man's whole support system erodes out from under him, a man will be bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a human being's mental health will deteriorate.
I gave you everything I have
Tryin' to concur on to your heartless love
Baby, delight don't treat me bad.
This is not what happens "when a man loves a adult female." It's what happens when a homo loves a controlling, manipulative adult female. An abusive woman. A adult female who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.
"Information technology'south Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's non healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for y'all.
(Side annotation: Lest information technology go unsaid, there is way more than one manner for a man to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they dress up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a homo loves a human, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a adult female loves a adult female. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no one-size-fits-all honey solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There's more than one mode to skin a true cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine become down.
It doesn't matter if it's the right metaphor, as long equally it's a metaphor. Photograph by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Point beingness: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And delight, seek help! You can do this! And if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a telephone call.
6. "All I Wanna Exercise is Make Love to You," Centre
Honestly, Middle could sing a list of the almost popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie'south Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World'southward Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me want to bawl my optics out in the arms of a alpine, dark stranger at the end of a pier.
This song is perfect. Yous should always be listening to it. If you're non listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google information technology. Information technology's merely that important.
I am singing the phone book. You lot are weeping like a tiny babe. Photograph by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
So much passion. And then much hurting. So much hair.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a primal tribute to the ane true romantic fantasy shared past every living being on World: picking upwardly an unnervingly attractive human being for i night of listen-blowing sex and and so releasing him back into the wild to bone — but never quite every bit compellingly always again.
They sing:
It was a rainy dark when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
Then I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while
I don't have to go on because you know what happens side by side, and information technology'due south awesome.
"I only sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photograph by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
At present, here's why this vocal is not romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Practise" seems likewise good to be true. And it is. Considering it'southward non an as loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.
It's a...
It's a...
Well. Yous know what information technology is:
Good at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are humming forth only fine, like any wholesome, illicit, bearding affair should:
I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain
Fate, tell me information technology's right, is this dearest at first sight?
Certain, many of the states might hesitate to option up a strange leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, just our narrator just has a feeling nearly this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.
I can respect that.
We made magic that night
He did everything correct
Great! Seems like it was a skillful determination. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
But so, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time nifty romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape around a bivouac:
I told him "I am the blossom, y'all are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to discover me, please don't y'all dare
But live in my memory, you'll ever be there"
I'thou non a poet. Symbolic linguistic communication often eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly hateful wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they accept since sex was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking well-nigh a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
How-do-you-do! Photo past Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might be tempted to recollect, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant information technology:
Then it happened one solar day
We came round the aforementioned manner
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own optics
There are ii possibilities here.
Ane: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from ix years agone:
Photo past eyedonation.org.
Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping up a infant on the sly.
I said, "Delight, please sympathise
Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.
I'm in love with another man
Absurd, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not one only ii lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one lilliputian thing that you can"
A Human LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT Man LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The all-time yous can say about that is that information technology'southward not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should take been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
Merely ... it's not cute. It's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).
And at the end of the day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is saying something.
But there is a beloved song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable runway in a ocean of problematic faves.
A vocal that does everything right.
A vocal that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to concluding.
A song that can double as a manual for the platonic human romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," by fifty Cent, featuring Olivia
Here's why you might exist — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:
50 Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
Every bit catchy equally "Candy Shop" is, equally fun it is to dance to, and equally cathartic as it tin be to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.one thousand., there's no getting around the fact that the song begins similar this:
I'll have you lot to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
I'll post that again, in case you missed some of the nuance:
I'll take you to the processed shop
I'll allow you lot lick the lollipop
Way to have one for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!
At first glance, "Processed Shop" is nobody's idea of a classic dearest vocal.
The lyrics are ... unusually forrad. The beat is kinda basic. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily past in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't go played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It's not a song you'd put on a mixtape for your beat. It'due south not a vocal you lot'd play for your spouse when the kids are at dwelling house with the bodyguard and you've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It's certainly not a song you'd include on the video photo montage you made for your grandparents' silvery anniversary.
It'due south but not.
But it should exist.
So hither it is. Here's why "Candy Store" by l Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect human relationship vocal:
Yous wanna dorsum that thing up or should I button upward on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. Information technology's only been 20 seconds, and you lot're already getting gear up to hang it upward with "Processed Shop."
Merely then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the form of a female vocalization joining the track, cutting through the din like a clarion call.
She sings:
I'll take you lot to the processed shop (yeah)
Boy, 1 sense of taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have you spendin' all you got (come on)
Keep going 'til you hitting the spot, whoa
It'south mutual! It'southward common! They're performing oral sex on each other!
Band the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, get! Photograph past liz due west/Flickr.
fifty Cent himself may not be the world's greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he's washed some pretty unforgivable things.
Just the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:
You could accept information technology your fashion, how do y'all want it?
Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'g going to invest my entire sense of cocky-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to care for you like a chest total of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Brand Love to Yous," ("I'g going to trick you lot into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the earth of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do information technology? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?
Information technology'southward whatever you lot're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished didactics you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Processed Shop" is certainly ... assertive nearly his desires.
But here'south the key matter: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's conspicuously into it. And we know this because she says so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are bright red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky club floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is exterior trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo past Grim23/Wikimedia Eatables.
Girl what we do ...
And where nosotros do ...
The things we exercise ...
Are simply between me and you
No thing how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. Information technology volition be private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is central to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.
She may have a high sex bulldoze, but dude is graciously offer to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might get the distance later on all.
And at the end of the day, what is a relationship merely 2 nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photograph by Wonderlane/Flickr.
Information technology'southward like it'due south a race who could get undressed quicker
Over again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an equally cracking time.
I affect the right spot at the correct time
Of grade, it wouldn't exist a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to accept him at his discussion, "Processed Store" guy is at to the lowest degree as good at "doing everything correct" every bit the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Dear to You" — except without all the creepy surprise infant nonsense.
The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Considering he's not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering honey god. He's a proficient partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. Information technology's dingy. It'due south not your grandmother's love song.
Merely when you strip away the swagger, the back vanquish, and the weird strings from "All-time of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the stop of the mean solar day, isn't that what a healthy human relationship is all near?
Yep.
Uh-huh.
Photo past Francois Durand/Getty Images.
Then seductive.
Baby if U Let Me Get on Top I'll Have You Feeling Some Type of Way
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is